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This Year in Retrospect

2017 has been an interesting year for me – it by no means has been great, but it’s mostly from decisions I made myself to make my own future better than it is right now.

Some aspects of my year have been too personal to share on here, but I wanted to share some things just so I can have a finite record of my 2017, to look back on next year.

The most significant thing that happened to me, this year, in my opinion, is that after months of trying, and writing personal statements, and hoping, and bargaining with small parts of myself, I got rejected from Oxford. Without an interview.

I was initially devastated, and I think it’ll take me a long time to fully get over it because I put so much effort into this one thing, and being pushed away at the first hurdle is hard to cope with. I can say a lot like I had “poor” GCSE grades (even though I used to think they were all I needed), or my course was too competitive, but at the end of the day, all I can blame is myself, honestly.

It’s hard to get over, and you never hear from people that get rejected so early, like me, but I think it’s important to share your failures. And I’ve learnt a lot from this rejection, I’ve learnt that I’m too harsh on myself, and I’m an incredibly jealous and bitter person when it comes to others getting what I wanted.

My A levels have been surprisingly okay, but I’m starting to waver a bit with those. I know what I can be capable of, and what I want, but it’s hard to achieve what you’re possible of getting when your energy and motivation levels are in the seventh circle of hell.

I travelled to Norway in April, which was truly amazing, snow at Easter is something I will never forget for the rest of my life. I walked on top of an opera house, I ate Norwegian chocolate, travelled on fast trains with wooden seats, even learnt a few words of the language. It’s somewhere I really want to go back to in the future, although I did find the flying part bloody terrifying.

 

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Oslo’s harbour – a view from the Operahuset

 

I also turned seventeen. Which is… Old. I’m looking down the barrel of my eighteenth birthday right now, and it’s really scary to me. This Christmas will be my last at home. My last as a “child”. My last Christmas not being able to legally drink. Seventeen is an odd age because nothing new comes with it, and you just wait to be eighteen. I haven’t started learning to drive yet, either, but that’s a job for next year. Hopefully, I won’t crash and die.

Last year, I set myself some resolutions, I achieved six of them (out of eight). I’ve managed to keep hold of my relationship for another year, which is good because having someone to chat to about anything is good for life – at least in my opinion.

 

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Oscar, looking like a private school nerd in a Costa Coffee

 

I also got myself a job this year, and I haven’t been sacked yet. I definitely don’t enjoy it, and I want to find a job with better pay in 2018 so I can build up my record collection, but my colleagues tend to be okay people, and I now have the transferable skills that I was in dire need of at the beginning of this year.

I didn’t fail my mock exams! I achieved (arguably) good grades, and in the one subject that really mattered, where I had a proper AS exam – Archaeology – I got exactly what I needed. It’s made university seem at least a little more achievable, and it’s motivating me to press on through everything that’s trying to get me down.

I want to put down some more resolutions here too so I can have these for reference at the end of 2018… Which is a scary prospect, but one that will doubtless happen.

  • Start learning to drive. (I am capable of it, just terrified at the prospect of operating heavy machinery)
  • Get good grades in my A levels (I’m aiming for AAA, to get into my first choice university, but I want to try and get more than that)
  • Get into university (And be happy there, too.)
  • Two years.
  • Get out more(I’m not a social person and I’m very introverted, but I don’t want that to stop me next year. I’m going to get out more, see more people, do more things. Be a normal teenager.)
  • Keep my job, or get a better one. (One or the other…)
  • Actually complete my EPQ at some point (God knows when I will, it’s tiring me out, and I’m only 2/5ths of the way through so far)

That’s all I have for this year. I don’t know what more to say, other than…

I HOPE YOU HAVE A MERRY NON-RELIGIOUS GIFT GIVING HOLIDAY!

Ellie x

5 thoughts on “This Year in Retrospect”

  1. I know this is a bit early, but best of luck for 2018!!😀 I’m sure it’ll be a great year😊
    Looking forward to read more stuff by you!
    Also, have a merry, non-religious, gift giving holiday yourself!😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Sorry, I only just saw this comment, but I’ll definitely accept it and have a go for it! (I’ve had a seriously busy few weeks so apologies for only seeing this and replying to it now!)

      Liked by 1 person

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