rant, writing

OPINION: Monarchy Schmonarchy

Welcome to Britain – a country renowned for its fish and chips, colonialism, football hooliganism, and, of course, our monarchy. As a long-term resident of this tiny little island, I have a lot of opinions on the things that have been going on recently here (don’t get me started on the Brexit vote…), and I like to exercise my right to free speech more often than I think some people would like me to.

One of my main arguments for ‘the UK is still living in the 1600’s’ is a pretty simple one – but one I think should definitely be spoken more about. Maybe my opinions are controversial, maybe people will dislike me for speaking bad about our lovingly anointed ceremonial head of state, but with a day to go before a ginger marries an actress, I wanted to leave my thoughts here.

The Queen hasn’t really had an official role as head of state for quite a while (if ever), and right now she is just a ceremonial figurehead for our country. The real work goes to our parliament, headed by the ever pleasant Theresa May.


But that leaves the Queen to do… Well, what? Well, she’s charging us £370 million pounds to do up her house for her, as well as generally just… Being old. She’s 92, for Christ’s sake. When is she going to abdicate?

A lot of people have very strong arguments for our reigning monarch – she is our longest ever reigning monarch, for example, and a lot of people see her as a very old, very austere grandmother that only sends you birthday cards when you turn 100. One thing I’ve found a lot of people saying is that “oh, but she saw the demise of the British Empire”… But isn’t that a good thing? I hope she’s pleased, in any case.


Tomorrow, Saturday 19th May, is the wedding of Queen Elizabeth’s “grandson” Harry (actual name: Henry – but remember Henry VIII??) to an actually pretty hot actress named Meghan Markle, well known in the British press for having a father with a heart condition (and they have exploited him to no end) and a mother who’s a social worker.

A lot of people think this spells a new reign for the monarchy, but I really hope it doesn’t. Because at the end of the day, is there any use for these overly privileged people except for bringing in tourism? Wouldn’t Prince William be better off looking for jobs in a local corner shop than running the country (short answer: yes)?

We aren’t looking at a new era, we’re looking at more of the same, where people think Harry and William have had a hard life just because their mother died. When you compare that to people living in poverty, or the starving children in Africa, it doesn’t really seem like a fair cop. And having had a friend argue at me, saying “oh, they’re better though, they understand what it’s like for us“, I wonder if I’m one of the only sane ones.

It’s all very well and good having a multimillion pound wedding, but that money is probably better spent elsewhere. Maybe on helping us get a better Brexit deal? Or maybe just something to put into our economy to make it a little stronger. Anything but a wedding for a family that are loved and revered by so many of the British public for representing a bygone era.

This is not the 1600’s anymore. We have freedom of speech, women have more rights, we shouldn’t be looking to a monarch for inspiration. If they weren’t there, we would have more time to dedicate to our parliament, making sure they make the right decisions, and making informed votes (*cough* BREXIT *cough*) about our future.

Big up to Harry to finally finding a girl mad enough to wed a ginger (n.b. this is called a joke), but I wish he wasn’t part of the family that make this country so much worse than it has to be. When our main news outlet thinks this is a brilliant news story when people are dying in Iran and Afghanistan, then you just know that something’s gotta change around here, and fast.

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